XBOX ONE V.S. PLAYSTATION 4

How to improve your social life

1. Be wary of building walls.

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”
Joseph F. Newton Men

The ego wants to divide your world. It wants to create barriers, separation and loves to play the comparison game. The game where people are different compared to you, the game where you are better than someone and worse than someone else. All of that creates fear. And so we build walls. But putting up walls tends to in the end hurt you more than protect you.

So how can you start building bridges instead? One way is to choose to be curious about people. Curiosity is filled with anticipation and enthusiasm. It opens you up. And when you are open and enthusiastic then you have more fun things to think about than focusing on your fear.

Another way is to start to see yourself in other people. To get that there is no real separation between you and other people.
That may sound vague. So one practical suggestion and thought you may want to try for a day is that everyone you meet is your friend.

Another thing you can try is to see what parts of yourself you can see in someone you meet. Try it out and see what you find.

2. Your relationships are in your mind.

“As you think so shall you be! Since you cannot physically experience another person, you can only experience them in your mind. Conclusion: All of the other people in your life are simply thoughts in your mind. Not physical beings to you, but thoughts. Your relationships are all in how you think about the other people of your life. Your experience of all those people is only in your mind. Your feelings about your lovers come from your thoughts. For example, they may in fact behave in ways that you find offensive. However, your relationship to them when they behave offensively is not determined by their behavior, it is determined only by how you choose to relate to that behavior. Their actions are theirs, you cannot own them, you cannot be them, you can only process them in your mind.”
Wayne Dyer

“It is not he who reviles or strikes you who insults you, but your opinion that these things are insulting.”
Epictetus

How you choose to interpret people and your relationships makes a huge difference. So much of our relationships may be perceived to happen out there somewhere.

But as mentioned in tip #1 in this article, your underlying frame of mind – do you build bridges or walls? – will determine much about your interactions both new people and people you know.

So you really have to go inside. You have to realize that your interpretations from the past are interpretations. Not reality. You have to take a look at your assumptions and expectations and thought habits. Find patterns that may be hurting you (and others). This isn’t easy. Or always pleasant. You may discover that you have had some negative underlying habits of thought for many years.

But to change you have to do it. Instead of just keep looking at yourself as some sort of unmoving and objective observer of the world and reality. A change in you could – over time – change your whole world.

3. Avoid being boring.

“The best way to be boring is to leave nothing out.”
Voltaire

Don’t prattle on about your new car for 10 minutes oblivious to your surroundings. Always be prepared to drop a subject when you start to bore people. Or when everyone is getting bored and the topic is starting to run out of steam.

One good way to have something interesting to say is simply to lead an interesting life. And to focus on the positive stuff. Don’t start to whine about your boss or your job, people don’t want to hear that. Instead, talk about your last trip somewhere, some funny anecdote that happened while you were buying clothes, your plans for the summer or something fun or exciting.

4. Focus outward, not inward.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
Dale Carnegie

A lot of people use the second, far less effective way. It is appealing because it’s about instant gratification and about ME, ME, ME! The first way – to become interested in people – perhaps works better because it makes you a pleasant exception and because the law of reciprocity is strong in people. As you treat people, they will treat you. Be interested in them and they will be interested in you.

5. Don’t get stuck in the questions.

“I wish I had an answer to that because I’m tired of answering that question.”
Yogi Berra

If you ask too many questions the conversation can feel like a bit of an interrogation. Or like you don’t have that much too contribute. One alternative is to mix questions with statements. Just say what band you are really into instead of asking what band they are into. Or say what you think about local sports team’s chances of winning the next game. Or, while using common sense, just what you are thinking about what is happening around you right now.

And then the conversation can flow on from there.

So open up and say what you think, share how you feel. And if someone shares an experience, open up too and share one of your experiences. Don’t just stand there nodding and answer with short sentences. If someone is investing in the conversation they’d like you to invest too.

And like in so many areas in life, you can’t always wait for the other party to make the first move. When needed, be proactive and be the first one to open up and invest in the conversation.

6. Genuineness is awesome.

“Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyse your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.”
Leo F. Buscaglia

I think that one of the most important things in a relationship of any kind is to be genuine. Few things are as powerful as genuine communication and letting the genuine you shine through. Without incongruence, mixed messages or perhaps a sort of phoniness.

It’s you to 100%.

It’s you with not only your words but you with your voice tonality and body language – which some say is over 90% of communication – on the same wavelength as your words. It’s you coming through on all channels of communication.

Being your geunine self – the one where you build bridges and are open and giving – will give you better results and more satisfaction in your day to day life because you are in alignment with yourself. And because people really like genuineness.

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PS. Just thought I’d give you a quick update and tell you that my new ebook will be out and for sale on the blog next week. It is called the Power of Positivity and contains 22 chapters on how to improve your life in areas such as productivity, social skills, attitude, motivation, self-esteem and thought habits.

Your Ex Becoming your friend again.....yes ...no maybe

1# Understand the unconscious mind.

It is proven that men often pull back when they get into an argument, this is a defense mechanism that is triggered by the unconscious mind to protect them they get vulnerable. Vulnerability makes a guy feel anxious feelings which is something most people will try to avoid. The physiological effect of retreating will show in lower heartbeat which will make the guy more relaxed. But retreating makes everything worse.

Woman will respond unconsciously to the guys cowardice retreat, which will have a physiological effect on her as well, her heartbeats will increase so will the blood pressure. She will start to get more passionate and things escalate even further because the man is not responding.

2# A real man is indifferent and understanding

Nomatter what the argument is about, you need to participate and give her your opinion. An argument is not about convincing someone, but about explaining your opinion and feelings on the subject matter. Tell her that you understand what she's saying, but you have a different opinion. A real man is not affected by the outcome of the discussion.

3# Vulnerability the right way

Even though there might be areas that makes a guy uncomfortable a real man needs to be vulnerable through facing his fears and overcoming his anxieties. A real man views things from an objective perspective, and tries to understand what is going on so he can act the most beneficial way to both parts. If he doesn't understand something, he will be honest and communicate that because, if you fake it, you won't make it.This is really important if you still have feeling for them then it will only hurt you even more i speak from expirence

1     Don't rush. To start with, it's never a smart idea to become best friends right after the break up. Once people have been in a relationship, and the relationship ends, both need to give each other some space to process the break up, overcome sadness, etc. This can take 2 weeks or 4 months, you never know. But it's really important to get over the breakup; you don't want any one of you having hard feelings towards the other. The fact that you want to be only friends means that all feelings that may be left over MUST be eliminated- yes, that's hard but it's the way it will be.

2     See where you both stand. Do you secretly wish you would get together with your ex partner, or do you really only want to be friends? It's also good to know what your ex wants or needs. When you know where you both stand, you can figure out if a friendship is ever going to work. For example, if one of you guys wants to get together, and the other one only wants to say 'hi, how are you' once a while, that's doomed to go wrong.

3    Think about why you broke up. Would you start a new friendship with someone of the same sex whom you resent? You do not need a bad relationship to become a bad friendship so make sure you evaluate whether in fact, you think this person would make a good friend vs whether you just don't want to miss them.

4     Consider the case that both want to stay friends; start off slow. Don't expect it all to be happy and cheerful the first few conversations. The break up probably still feels a little awkward, and you can't just get over it right away. So start easy, talking about how it's going and what's new. Try to avoid the subject of current relationships- either it will give hints that you what to get back with the person and are scouting the 'enemy' or it will just be awkward.

5    Gradually talk more, maybe go do something together, grab a coffee or something. Before you both know it, you'll be friends again. But remember, make sure you both want to be friends, and you both expect the same thing from each other. Make sure no one feels awkward at your Starbucks date or something.

6    Accept what happens. If your ex doesn't want to stay friends, or does want to stay friends but gets into a new relationship after a while, you can't convince him/her to do it your way. to be honest, A person isn't worth it if they can't look at you in the eye and forget what happened in the past. If they don't want to be friends, forget it then.